Cleaning out the closet.

I’m housecleaning, meaning all the unfinished snippets, incomplete thoughts, directionless ramblings are getting thrown out on display so I can be castigated and mercilessly pilloried. At the very least the clutter will subside.

This jewel comes to you from September of ’06 (the 6th day of September).

The anniversary.

I looked up today and I realized we are here already in September. When I write the words “The anniversary,’ I am sure some of you would imagine you know what I am about to write about but, you would be wrong.

See, as much people reach early September and focus on one event, life goes on for all of us. So, the anniversary I am talking about is the beginning of the journey of the EYOC. It is almost a full year now since the fateful day when EYOC had his major heart attack.

What got me thinking about it, was a funeral I attended last week. One of EYOC’s cousins passed, suddenly, abruptly and surprisingly. I made sure I went along to pay my respects at both the funeral and the wake. I did it because of two things.

First off, I remembered an essay I had heard awhile back on NPR. It was a brief essay but it stuck with me:

“Sounds simple — when someone dies, get in your car and go to calling hours or the funeral. That, I can do. But I think a personal philosophy of going to funerals means more than that.”

Second was the simple fact that during all of this drama over the last year, I was lucky enough to find out I have family. People who supported me through the worst of it and who were there to stand beside me.

EYOC is now permanently in a care facility. Considering how many times I thought he wouldn’t even be around to make it to his next birthday, that in and of itself is something amazing. The trips to the hospital, the back and forth between a ward and ICU those first few months, all of it was extremely stressful to say the least. Not because it wasn’t expected - people don’t live forever - but, because I knew dealing with everything in and around the EYOC was a mess requiring lots of cleaning up.

It would be enough to have someone get sick and to worry about their mortality but, to also have to go through the ordeal of managing their affairs and putting everything right, well let’s just say that turns up the voloume on a situation like that well past ‘11’ (if you understand the This is Spinal Tap reference).

Like everything in life though, the rain passes, the clouds part and sun shines upon you once more. I’m not painting life as a rosy garden, far from it. However, since January (EYOC’s last trip to the hospital) he’s done better. Probably a lot better than anyone expected. He’s walking a bit (with the help of a walker), he’s gained back some of the weight he lost during all those hospital stays and he‘s more or less comfortable where he is at. He certainly receives a lot more attention and care than I would ever be able to provide by myself.

Truthfully, I have a deep down sneaking suspicion he will be around for another decade even.

Things were hard but, they would have been a lot harder if it wasn’t for the people who stood by me. So, I reach this anniversary of almost a year with a bit of perspective - a knowledge of who...

Well that’s where I trailed off.

Truthfully, I consider myself very fortunate. Fortunate for all the help I received throughout the course of dealing with what was a very stressful situation.

Looking back I often wonder if I didn’t make a mistake (and I said to someone the other day it probably was a mistake) caring for the EYOC as long as I did. However, you can’t go back and change the past. In the long run I did what I did and while I feel I may have sacrificed greatly, more than I should have, I know too I did a very good thing and I don’t feel any regret about that.

The EYOC would pass away four months after I wrote this and again, the whole death thing when it comes is always a surprise. Whatever expiration date we are stamped with is invisible.